+ Add subtitles

Two and a Half Men subtitles

 
Two and a Half Men ((2003))
Show trailer
season: #1 -  #2 -  #3 -  #4 -  #5 -  #6 -  #7 -  #8 -  #9 -  #10 -  #11 -  #12 -  unsorted subtitles
Release:
Cast: Jon Cryer, Angus T. Jones, Charlie Sheen, Conchata Ferrell, Holland Taylor
Rating: 7.1 / 10 (205482 votes)
"Two adults. One kid. No grown-ups.". A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.
Share this:
There are no comments yet

Add your comment

TV series episodes
Episode name # IMDb rating Release date
season 1
0. Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal: Original Pilot 1 8.4
1. Pilot 107 8.4 Sep 22, 2003
2. Big Flappy Bastards 94 8 Sep 29, 2003
3. Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell 86 8 Oct 6, 2003
4. If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap 86 8.2 Oct 13, 2003
5. The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump 67 8.1 Oct 20, 2003
6. Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? 71 7.8 Oct 27, 2003
7. If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake 73 8.5 Nov 3, 2003
8. Twenty-five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful 77 8.1 Nov 10, 2003
9. Phase One, Complete 76 7.9 Nov 17, 2003
10. Merry Thanksgiving 77 8.3 Nov 24, 2003
11. Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor 81 7.8 Dec 15, 2003
12. Camel Filters and Pheromones 79 8.9 Jan 5, 2004
13. Sarah Like Puny Alan 72 7.9 Jan 12, 2004
14. I Can't Afford Hyenas 70 8.1 Feb 2, 2004
15. Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick 63 8.1 Feb 9, 2004
16. That Was Saliva, Alan 75 8.1 Feb 16, 2004
17. Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats 72 8.2 Feb 23, 2004
18. An Old Flame with a New Wick 79 8.6 Mar 1, 2004
19. I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You 71 8.3 Mar 22, 2004
20. Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark 67 7.8 Apr 19, 2004
21. No Sniffing, No Wowing 71 8.2 May 3, 2004
22. My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet 68 8.2 May 10, 2004
23. Just Like Buffalo 75 8.6 May 17, 2004
24. Can You Feel My Finger 71 8.3 May 24, 2004
season 2
1. Back Off Mary Poppins 74 8.2 Sep 20, 2004
2. Enjoy Those Garlic Balls 57 7.8 Sep 27, 2004
3. A Bag Full of Jawea 54 8.2 Oct 4, 2004
4. Go Get Mommy's Bra 57 8.1 Oct 11, 2004
5. Bad News from the Clinic 76 7.9 Oct 18, 2004
6. The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance 49 8.1 Oct 25, 2004
7. A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana 58 7.7 Nov 8, 2004
8. Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers 52 8.2 Nov 15, 2004
9. Yes, Monsignor 47 8.1 Nov 22, 2004
10. The Salmon Under My Sweater 58 8.3 Nov 29, 2004
11. Last Chance to See Those Tattoos 58 8.2 Dec 13, 2004
12. A Lung Full of Alan 54 8.2 Jan 3, 2005
13. Zejdz z Zmoich Wlosów 53 8.4 Jan 17, 2005
14. Those Big Pink Things with Coconut 61 8 Jan 31, 2005
15. Smell the Umbrella Stand 61 8.1 Feb 7, 2005
16. Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth? 58 8.4 Feb 14, 2005
17. Woo-Hoo, a Hernia-Exam! 77 8.1 Feb 21, 2005
18. It Was Mame, Mom 54 8.3 Mar 7, 2005
19. A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise 58 8.1 Mar 21, 2005
20. I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey 52 7.9 Apr 18, 2005
21. A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On 66 8.1 May 2, 2005
22. That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother 63 7.8 May 9, 2005
23. Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab 66 8.8 May 16, 2005
24. Does This Smell Funny to You 92 8.5 May 23, 2005
season 3
1. Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts 136 8.1 Sep 19, 2005
2. Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover 92 8.3 Sep 26, 2005
3. Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark 68 8 Oct 3, 2005
4. Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs 59 8 Oct 10, 2005
5. We Called It Mr. Pinky 68 8 Oct 17, 2005
6. Hi, Mr. Horned One 58 8.6 Oct 24, 2005
7. Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop 60 8.2 Nov 7, 2005
8. That Voodoo That I Do Do 55 8.5 Nov 14, 2005
9. Madame and Her Special Friend 68 8.2 Nov 21, 2005
10. Something Salted and Twisted 72 7.8 Nov 28, 2005
11. Santa's Village of the Damned 59 8.4 Dec 19, 2005
12. That Special Tug 52 8.3 Jan 9, 2006
13. Humiliation Is a Visual Medium 58 7.9 Jan 23, 2006
14. Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded 59 8.3 Feb 6, 2006
15. My Tongue Is Meat 67 8 Feb 27, 2006
16. Ergo, the Booty Call 62 8.5 Mar 6, 2006
17. The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer 59 7.8 Mar 13, 2006
18. The Spit-Covered Cobbler 55 7.8 Mar 20, 2006
19. Golly Moses, She's a Muffin 64 8 Apr 10, 2006
20. Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro 60 8.4 Apr 24, 2006
21. And the Plot Moistens 58 8 May 1, 2006
22. Just Once with Aunt Sophie 59 8.1 May 8, 2006
23. Arguments for the Quickie 59 7.9 May 15, 2006
24. That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite 64 8.3 May 22, 2006
season 4
1. Working for Caligula 167 7.9 Sep 18, 2006
2. Who's Vod Kanockers 64 8 Sep 25, 2006
3. The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress 63 7.8 Oct 2, 2006
4. A Pot Smoking Monkey 62 7.7 Oct 9, 2006
5. A Live Woman of Proven Fertility 64 7.9 Oct 16, 2006
6. Apologies for the Frivolity 67 8.4 Oct 23, 2006
7. Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head 75 8 Oct 30, 2006
8. Release the Dogs 59 8.1 Nov 13, 2006
9. Corey's Been Dead for an Hour 52 7.9 Nov 20, 2006
10. Kissing Abraham Lincoln 50 8 Nov 27, 2006
11. Walnuts and Demerol 63 8.7 Dec 11, 2006
12. Castrating Sheep in Montana 62 7.8 Jan 8, 2007
13. Don't Worry, Speed Racer 48 7.8 Jan 22, 2007
14. That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami 54 7.9 Feb 5, 2007
15. My Damn Stalker 55 8.1 Feb 12, 2007
16. Young People Have Phlegm Too 48 7.9 Feb 19, 2007
17. I Merely Slept with a Commie 61 7.9 Feb 26, 2007
18. It Never Rains in Hooterville 50 7.8 Mar 19, 2007
19. Smooth as a Ken Doll 51 8.3 Apr 9, 2007
20. Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot 56 8.3 Apr 16, 2007
21. Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous 59 8 Apr 23, 2007
22. Mr. McGlue's Feedbag 56 8 Apr 30, 2007
23. Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin 60 8.3 May 7, 2007
24. Prostitutes and Gelato 57 8.4 May 14, 2007
season 5
1. Large Birds, Spiders and Mom 57 8.1 Sep 24, 2007
2. Media Room Slash Dungeon 60 8.1 Oct 1, 2007
3. Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo 56 8 Oct 8, 2007
4. City of Great Racks 61 8.2 Oct 15, 2007
5. Putting Swim Fins on a Cat 66 8.2 Oct 22, 2007
6. Help Daddy Find His Toenail 63 8.1 Oct 29, 2007
7. Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room 70 7.9 Nov 5, 2007
8. Is There a Mrs. Waffles? 66 8.6 Nov 12, 2007
9. Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids 62 8.1 Nov 19, 2007
10. Kinda Like Necrophilia 89 8.2 Nov 26, 2007
11. Meander to Your Dander 70 8.2 Mar 17, 2008
12. A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh 72 8.1 Mar 24, 2008
13. The Soil is Moist 60 8.3 Mar 31, 2008
14. Winky-Dink Time 70 8.2 Apr 14, 2008
15. Rough Night in Hump Junction 66 8 Apr 21, 2008
16. Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty 65 8.1 Apr 28, 2008
17. Fish in a Drawer 63 8.8 May 5, 2008
18. If My Hole Could Talk 65 7.9 May 12, 2008
19. Waiting for the Right Snapper 62 8.1 May 19, 2008
season 6
1. Taterhead Is Our Love Child 91 8 Sep 22, 2008
2. Pie Hole, Herb 55 7.8 Sep 29, 2008
3. Damn You, Eggs Benedict 64 8.1 Oct 6, 2008
4. The Flavin' and the Mavin' 61 7.8 Oct 13, 2008
5. A Jock Strap in Hell 64 7.6 Oct 20, 2008
6. It's Always Nazi Week 76 8.1 Nov 3, 2008
7. Best H.O. Money Can Buy 66 8.1 Nov 10, 2008
8. Pinocchio's Mouth 70 7.9 Nov 17, 2008
9. The Mooch at the Boo 75 8.6 Nov 24, 2008
10. He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited 68 7.8 Dec 8, 2008
11. The Devil's Lube 57 7.8
12. Thank God for Scoliosis 64 8.2 Jan 12, 2009
13. I Think You Offended Don 72 7.7 Jan 19, 2009
14. David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie 69 8.1 Feb 2, 2009
15. I'd Like to Start with the Cat 54 7.8 Feb 9, 2009
16. She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime 77 8.3 Mar 2, 2009
17. The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'? 64 7.8 Mar 9, 2009
18. My Son's Enormous Head 70 7.7 Mar 16, 2009
19. The Two Finger Rule 75 8.8 Mar 30, 2009
20. Hello, I am Alan Cousteau 81 8 Apr 13, 2009
21. Above Exalted Cyclops 64 8.3 Apr 27, 2009
22. Sir Lancelot's Litter Box 63 7.8 May 4, 2009
23. Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth 68 7.8 May 11, 2009
24. Baseball Was Better with Steroids 63 8.4 May 18, 2009
season 7
1. 818-jklpuzo 78 8.5 Sep 21, 2009
2. Whipped Unto the Third Generation 59 8 Sep 28, 2009
3. Mmm, Fish. Yum. 63 7.9 Oct 5, 2009
4. Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator 51 7.8 Oct 12, 2009
5. For the Sake of the Child 64 7.9 Oct 19, 2009
6. Give Me Your Thumb 58 8.1 Nov 2, 2009
7. Untainted by Filth 67 8.1 Nov 9, 2009
8. Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle. 64 8.8 Nov 16, 2009
9. Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair 54 8 Nov 23, 2009
10. That's Why They Call It 'Ball Room' 52 8.1 Dec 7, 2009
11. Warning, It's Dirty 62 8.1 Dec 14, 2009
12. Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste 50 8.1 Jan 11, 2010
13. Yay, No Polyps 56 8 Jan 18, 2010
14. Crude and Uncalled For 55 7.7 Feb 1, 2010
15. Aye, Aye, Captain Douche 50 7.8 Feb 8, 2010
16. Tinkle Like a Princess 52 7.9 Mar 1, 2010
17. I Found Your Moustache 69 7.6 Mar 8, 2010
18. Ixnay on the Oggie Day 66 8.4 Mar 22, 2010
19. Keith Moon Is Vomiting in his Grave 54 7.9 Apr 12, 2010
20. I Called Him Magoo 54 7.7 May 10, 2010
21. Gumby with a Pokey 69 8.2 May 17, 2010
22. This Is Not Gonna End Well 63 8 May 24, 2010
season 8
1. Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud 78 8.7 Sep 20, 2010
2. A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer 74 8.1 Sep 27, 2010
3. A Pudding-Filled Cactus 68 8 Oct 4, 2010
4. Hookers, Hookers, Hookers 83 8 Oct 11, 2010
5. The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel 65 7.9 Oct 18, 2010
6. Twanging Your Magic Clanger 65 8.1 Oct 25, 2010
7. The Crazy Bitch Gazette 80 8 Nov 1, 2010
8. Springtime on a Stick 66 7.9 Nov 8, 2010
9. A Good Time in Central Africa 76 8.1 Nov 15, 2010
10. Ow, Ow, Don't Stop 72 7.6 Nov 22, 2010
11. Dead from the Waist Down 58 7.5 Dec 6, 2010
12. Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead 71 7.4 Dec 13, 2010
13. Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup 69 7.8 Jan 3, 2011
14. Lookin' for Japanese Subs 68 7.8 Jan 17, 2011
15. Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak 68 8.2 Feb 7, 2011
16. That Darn Priest 65 7.7 Feb 14, 2011
season 9
1. Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt 95 5.8 Sep 19, 2011
2. People Who Love Peepholes 56 5.2 Sep 26, 2011
3. Big Girls Don't Throw Food 78 5.2 Oct 3, 2011
4. Nine Magic Fingers 44 5.6 Oct 10, 2011
5. A Giant Cat Holding a Churro 51 5.7 Oct 17, 2011
6. The Squat and the Hover 54 5.6 Oct 24, 2011
7. Those Fancy Japanese Toilets 50 5.7 Oct 31, 2011
8. Thank You for the Intercourse 63 6.5 Nov 7, 2011
9. Frodo's Headshots 54 6.4 Nov 14, 2011
10. A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes 52 6.2 Nov 21, 2011
11. What a Lovely Landing Strip 53 6.5 Dec 5, 2011
12. One False Move, Zimbabwe! 46 5.9 Dec 12, 2011
13. Slowly and in a Circular Fashion 51 6.7 Jan 2, 2012
14. A Possum on Chemo 63 6.6 Jan 16, 2012
15. The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack 69 6.7 Feb 6, 2012
16. Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy 50 6.8 Feb 13, 2012
17. Not in My Mouth! 46 5.8 Feb 20, 2012
18. The War Against Gingivitis 60 5.8 Feb 27, 2012
19. Palmdale, Ech 77 6.5 Mar 19, 2012
20. Grandma's Pie 72 6.2 Apr 9, 2012
21. Mr. Hose Says 'Yes' 48 6.4 Apr 16, 2012
22. Why We Gave Up Women 57 6.6 Apr 30, 2012
23. The Straw in My Donut Hole 47 5.9 May 7, 2012
24. Oh Look! Al-Qaeda! 42 6.6 May 14, 2012
season 10
1. I Changed My Mind About the Milk 91 6.3 Sep 27, 2012
2. A Big Bag of Dog 29 6.4 Oct 4, 2012
3. Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt 65 6.3 Oct 11, 2012
4. You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For 72 6.7 Oct 18, 2012
5. That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam 76 6.7 Oct 25, 2012
6. Ferrets, Attack! 66 6.2 Nov 1, 2012
7. Avoid the Chinese Mustard 60 6.6 Nov 8, 2012
8. Something My Gynecologist Said 67 6.8 Nov 15, 2012
9. I Scream When I Pee 49 7.2 Nov 29, 2012
10. One Nut Johnson 69 7.3 Dec 6, 2012
11. Give Santa a Tail-Hole 65 7.1 Dec 13, 2012
12. Welcome to Alancrest 53 6.4 Jan 3, 2013
13. Grab a Feather and Get in Line 54 6 Jan 10, 2013
14. Run, Steven Staven! Run! 70 6.8 Jan 31, 2013
15. Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It 38 7.1 Feb 7, 2013
16. Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby 39 6.7 Feb 14, 2013
17. Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries 50 6.6 Feb 21, 2013
18. The 9:04 from Pemberton 55 6.7 Mar 7, 2013
19. Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon 24 7 Mar 14, 2013
20. Bazinga! That's From a TV Show 51 7.2 Apr 4, 2013
21. Another Night with Neil Diamond 22 6.5 Apr 25, 2013
22. My Bodacious Vidalia 15 6.7 May 2, 2013
23. Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped 85 6.6 May 9, 2013
season 11
1. Nangnangnangnang 108 6.6 Sep 26, 2013
2. I Think I Banged Lucille Ball 71 6.4 Oct 3, 2013
3. This Unblessed Biscuit 70 6.4 Oct 10, 2013
4. Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank 81 6.6 Oct 17, 2013
5. Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003 47 6.7 Oct 24, 2013
6. Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants 72 6.6 Nov 7, 2013
7. Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie 79 7 Nov 14, 2013
8. Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room. 68 6.7 Nov 21, 2013
9. Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer 68 6.5 Dec 5, 2013
10. On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer! 76 6.9
11. Tazed in the Lady Nuts 69 7.1 Jan 2, 2014
12. Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball. 15 6.8 Jan 9, 2014
13. Bite Me, Supreme Court 23 6.6 Jan 30, 2014
14. Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe 42 6.8 Feb 6, 2014
15. Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin 52 6.6 Feb 27, 2014
16. How to Get Rid of Alan Harper 66 7 Mar 6, 2014
17. Welcome Home, Jake 55 7 Mar 13, 2014
18. West Side Story 66 7 Apr 3, 2014
19. Lan mao shi zai wuding shang 52 7.7 Apr 10, 2014
20. Lotta Delis in Little Armenia 44 7.5 Apr 24, 2014
21. Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot 37 6.5 May 1, 2014
22. Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead 65 7.1 May 8, 2014
season 12
1. The Ol' Mexican Spinach 23 5.5 Oct 30, 2014
2. A Chic Bar in Ibiza 15 5.5 Nov 6, 2014
3. Glamping in a Yurt 27 5.7 Nov 13, 2014
4. Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight 32 5.9 Nov 20, 2014
5. Oontz. Oontz. Oontz. 30 5.5 Nov 27, 2014
6. Alan Shot a Little Girl 9 5.7 Dec 4, 2014
7. Sex with an Animated Ed Asner 6 6.3 Dec 11, 2014
8. Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey 23 5.9 Dec 18, 2014
9. Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey 9 6.1 Jan 8, 2015
10. Here I Come, Pants! 10 6.2 Jan 15, 2015
11. For Whom the Booty Calls 13 6.1 Jan 22, 2015
12. A Beer-Battered Rip-Off 35 6.7 Jan 29, 2015
13. Boompa Loved His Hookers 6 6.4 Feb 5, 2015
14. Don't Give a Monkey a Gun 21 6.3 Feb 12, 2015
15. Of Course He's Dead: Part 1 & 2 10 4.4 Feb 19, 2015
16. Of Course He's Dead: Part 2 1 4.1 Feb 19, 2015

Last TV Shows
Last Movies
Popular Movies
Close